Proud Boys leader and brownest white nationalist ever, Henry “Enrique” Tarrio, asked a judge on Monday for early release before he finishes serving a five-month sentence for lynching a Black Lives Matter banner that was taken from a Black church in Washington, D.C. Tarrio’s reasoning for why he should be freed early appears to essentially be—and I’m paraphrasing here—”Jail sucks and I’m scared.”

According to the Associated Press, Tarrio is asking D.C. Superior Court Judge Jonathan Pittman to either reduce his sentence to 90 days or allow him to finish it under house arrest because he said he’s being harassed by correctional officers and the conditions at the jail are disgusting and inhumane.

That’s right, good people—the BLM movement hater is now looking for leniency because correction officers, who are included under the moniker of “law enforcement,” are treating him with prejudice.

I’m sorry, I don’t usually do this but I just…I don’t think I can help it…


Sorry, that was completely unprofessional and it won’t happen again.

Again, Tarrio is also complaining that the jail’s conditions are not fit for men or Proud Boys, claiming his cell has been regularly flooded with dirty toilet water from a neighboring cell and that the hallways are filled with smoke. (This man is really on his Karen steez asking for a non-smoking section in jail. *snickers*) He also said medical neglect is an issue at the jail and that he saw an inmate have a seizure who was left laying on the ground for a half-hour before any help arrived.

While Pittman said Monday that he will rule on Tarrio’s request by the end of the week, AP noted that “the judge struck a consistently skeptical tone that left Tarrio, testifying by video from jail, visibly slumped in frustration.”

Tarrio reportedly said in the video: “I’ve been to jail before and what I’ve seen here, I’ve never seen anywhere else. This place needs to be shut down immediately.”

Despite the irony, he added: “I’m deathly afraid that something is going to happen to me.”

So now it all makes sense. This is why Tarrio spent years as an informant for the FBI and local authorities in Florida. This is why he was basically Tekashi 69 without the Harley Quinn makeover. This is why Henry “Enrique” Tarrio of Miami, Florida, became Snitchy McSnitcherton of Snitchville, Tell-on-you-opolis.

This alt-right Cuban negro was just afraid of being locked up all along.

But wait—I thought the Proud Boys were supposed to be fierce protectors of masculinity and the patriotic representatives of the home of the brave. Whining about cop harassment and inhumane jail conditions is BLM snowflake s**t, isn’t it?

Anyway, according to AP, attorneys for the D.C. Department of Corrections said that issues with the jail conditions are being addressed and that the flooding was caused by an inmate who regularly flooded his own toilet in protest. The attorneys also said Tarrio has since been moved to another cell and they denied that he’s been mistreated or harassed by corrections officers.

AP noted that “Tarrio’s complaints about jail conditions in Washington mirror those of several prisoners charged in the Jan. 6 riot at the U.S. Capitol,” and…oh no…it’s happening again…


OK, I think I’m done here.


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The Irony: Proud Boys Leader Begs For Early Jail Release Because He’s ‘Deathly Afraid’ Of Being Harmed  was originally published on